"Love Beyond Measure" began a couple of years ago as a personal accounting of my relationship with my Sir. However, my sporatic postings (now removed from public viewing) gave barely a glimpse into our lives and relationship. Looking back over that time span, I was shocked at how much negativity I found in those random posts. I don't typically see myself as someone of negative energy. Nor did it portray an accurate reflection of who we are and how we live day to day. I think mostly it showed a snapshot of fears, doubts and insecurities that plagued my mind.
Over the last month, I've pondered greatly on many of those issues, and more, and determined that the majority were indeed only in my mind. Why do people allow such destructive emotions and thoughts to burden and bury them? I could write a thesis on that one. Many have already.
It boils down to having been hurt and disappointed time and again to the point that no matter how different a person or situation may be, there is a nagging doubt in the back of your head that always says "you're not good enough; why should this be any different; and if you allow yourself to trust completely and release these fears and doubts, how devastated will you be if the end result is the same as previous?" It simply shows a lack of confidence in one's self, a lack of self-worth. That can apply to relationships with people or work situations or a variety of circumstances.
If other people are involved, they generally see this as a lack of trust in them. But really, it's not a lack of trust in another person or even in situational circumstances. It's a lack of trust in one's self. It's a lack of trust that one will be able to handle more hurt; it's a lack of confidence that one really does measure up...to the expectations of others, to the level of abilities needed to handle certain situations, and most importantly, to the expectations of one's self.
To remove the power exerted by fear, doubt, and insecurity, one must find love for and confidence in one's self and allow those attributes to take control and become the driving forces behind one's goals, relationships, and life.
So, with that in mind, and looking at myself with, and desiring, full exposure of everything I am, "Love Beyond Measure" takes on a new direction. It must be not only a rendering of my relationship with my loving Sir, whom I do love beyond measure, but it must also be about traveling life's path with love beyond measure for myself.
In Submission to Him,
slave2one
