I've been thinking about so many things this weekend. Watching Master on the field as He walked to His position, i felt like someone knocked the breath out of me and all i could think was oh my God, i love that man so very much; He's my heart, my breath, my life, everything. I've never experienced anything like this and it makes me so happy that i don't have words to describe it.
But yet even feeling this way, there are things that have been troubling me such as feeling left out and as though our relationship is unknown and/or denied. I want so much to be a part of His life in every way as He is mine and it's hard for me to be patient and wait for things to happen because He wants to let things settle more first. I can't fault Him for that but it's hard for me when i feel like we're living our lives together and out there for most to see but yet it's hidden from some. I guess I'm just not as patient as I need to be. I've tried for the last six months to be as patient as I can and be understanding and mindful of the situation, but as time goes on, i want to share and be shared. I wish that he would go pick Princess up and visit with her with the rest of us at times. And I know that time will come. I'm just impatient.
I finally figured out tonight why I'm having such difficulty. The best way to explain it is to say that the man puts stars in my eyes. When I think of Him, our life together, our love, and especially our future, i get stars in my eyes. And i know i do because I can feel them. No man has ever put stars in my eyes. And because i have those stars, i want things to develop more rapidly and to have the greatest desires of my heart, one reason being because i know how happy i am now and i think that as time goes by, that happiness will only increase for myself and for all of us. Secondly, it would give our relationship more credibility. People would stop questioning the nature and depth of it. Maybe people would stop believing it's nothing but a sexual dalliance on His part. I want people to know the level of our commitment and the fact that we have a love and relationship of a kind that most only dream of but never attain. Thirdly, it would give me even more a sense of security. Risk taker that I am, in matters of the heart, security is vital to me. I've built walls around my heart for so long to protect it that now that I've allowed someone to tear it down, feeling secure is of mega importance. And that's one thing I can say I feel with Him: that my heart is kept safe and secure and loved by Him. He makes me feel protected.
After a lot of thought about some of the things that have been bothering me, I've come to a very important realization:
Two people don't always have to move at the same pace for them to end up at the same place....especially if it's the right place.
I firmly believe we'll end up at the right place because the right place is wherever the other one is. We fit together; we belong together. We need each other to complete our life puzzle. He's my soul mate and there is no doubt in my mind or my heart about that.
And if I have stars in my eyes now, there will only be that many and more and they will only be much brighter when we do end up at the same place. :-)